The Wild Crumb

So your sourdough starter is… acting weird?
Foaming? Sulking? Smelling like a medieval tavern?
Congratulations — you’re in the club.

Here’s how to diagnose your bubbling flour creature before you throw it out, cry, or both.

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❎Problem: No Bubbles. No Rise. Just… Goo

“Why is it doing NOTHING???”

What’s happening:
Your yeast hasn’t fully clocked in yet. Lazy microbes.

✅Fix:

Put the jar somewhere warm (75–80°F / 24–27°C = starter spa)

Feed twice a day like it’s a tiny carb-eating dragon

Switch to unbleached flour if you used bleached (yeast hates bleach, fair)

Translation:
It’s not dead, it’s just unimpressed. Keep feeding.

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❎Problem: It Rose… and Then Collapsed

“My starter exploded upward and now it looks sad. Help.”

What’s happening:
It ate, got excited, then crashed — like a toddler after sugar.

✅Fix:
Feed more often. It’s hungry.
Actually good sign — this is growth energy.

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❎Problem: Grey Liquid on Top

“There’s zombie juice floating on my starter.”

What’s happening:
Hooch. The starter equivalent of “I’m starving and dramatic.”

✅Fix:
Stir it in, feed it, whisper soothing bread affirmations.

If smell is too aggressive → pour off and feed.

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❎ Problem: It Smells… Strange

✓Acceptable smells:

Tangy

Fruity

Yogurt-ish

“Wild barnyard” but in a charming cottagecore way

× Danger smells:

Rotting corpse in a swamp

Moldy socks dipped in vinegar

Nail polish remover-level fumes

✅Fixes:

Nail polish smell → more feeding

Actual rot → yeet that jar into the void and start again

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❎Problem: Pink, Orange, Fuzzy Stuff

This isn’t fermentation.
This is nature telling you to back away slowly.

✅Fix:
Throw it out.
Scrub jar.
Light a candle.
Try again.

Do NOT negotiate with mold.

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❎ Problem: Too Runny / Too Thick

Runny slime monster:
Feed with more flour. Switch to bread flour.

Dough-brick paste:
Add a splash of water. Stir like you mean it.

Target texture = thick pancake batter.

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❎ Problem: Starter Is Moody Because Your House is Cold

Starters don’t like feeling like it’s November in Scotland.

✅Fix:

Warm corner

Inside microwave (door cracked, light on = cozy bug cave)

Near oven (not ON the oven unless you enjoy chaos)

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❎ Problem: It’s Been a Week and Still Weak

Starters have personalities. Some are gifted, some are “average but trying.”

✅Fix:

Patience

Consistent feeding

A little whole wheat boost

Emotional support yelling (optional but powerful)

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❎ Problem: My Starter Works But My Bread Doesn’t Rise

Listen… sometimes the starter isn’t the villain.

Check if you:

Used ACTIVE starter (not discard)

Let dough ferment long enough

Kept dough warm while rising

Didn’t drown it in flour like a panic baker

If starter doubles after feeding → it’s not the problem. You just need more reps. You got this.

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✨When to Officially Give Up✨

Fuzzy mold

Pink/orange streaks

Smells like a bog demon

You emotionally need a reset

Otherwise?
Don’t toss it. Feed it. Believe in it.

Starters love dramatic arcs.

So do we.

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Final Vibe Check ✔️

If your starter is:

Bubbling? Good.

Rising weirdly? Good.

Smelling interesting? Good.

Trying to escape jar? Also good.

If it’s doing anything, honestly — you’re on track.

You’re raising wild microbes, not baking with obedient little yeast pellets.
Chaos is part of the journey.